Glossary of Perversion H

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DO NOT READ THE FOLLOWING UNLESS YOU ARE AT LEAST 18 YEARS OF AGE AND ARE NOT EASILY OFFENDED!
The terms in the following Glossary are for amusement only and should in no way, under any circumstances, carried out or attempted on anyone or anything!
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H A - B - C - D - E - F - G - H - I - J - K - L - M - N - O - P - Q - R - S - T - U - V - W - X - Y - Z - Thesaurus - TOP

Hacksaw Jim D*ggan - When a foreign girl is sucking you off, start a big "U-S-A!... U-S-A!" chant. When you're about to cum, bust a nut in her left eye... smack her in the face with your 2x4... stick out your thumb and yell out "HOOOOOOOOOO!" - Digital D, Chicago

Hairy Bubblegum - When you put your zipper down and pull out a little piece of your hairy nutsac, and go up to someone and say "O Damn, I sat in some hairy bubblegum" while showing them your nutsac. - Abro

Hall Monitor - When going down on a chick, slip a cough drop in your mouth, with your tongue, slip it in her love box, sit back and watch her climax! (caliptus makes them cum) - Robert, Florida

Halmstad Hook - This is a unique sequence of events named after a town in Sweden, where this apparently happens quite frequently. After dumping your spunk in her rear, the sauce is sucked out of the anus by the male. Once the sauce has transferred from her bowls to his mouth -- the product that has been created is now known as "Swedish Cheese." The move is completed when the "Swedish Cheese" is transferred to the lady's mouth via a deep tongue kiss. You can cap this off with a swift stinging slap of her ass to show her how much you care and appreciate all her hard work.

Hamburger Helper (if you read this you will go to hell when you die and there will be a special seat saved just for your next the the furnace, in the row behind Br. Guy and all the guys here at Get Offended) - After knocking up some bimbo, you take her to the abortion clinic. While she is having the fetus sucked out of her, you start playing with yourself. As the jar fills with your kid, you quickly open the jar and stuff the bloody mess up her ass and ram her hard using the kid as your lubricant. All chicks dig this....I'm serious, they do! - Guy, New Hampshire

Hanging Brain - The act of pulling your nuts out of your pants while holding the shaft so the only thing you see is the brain hanging down. - Anthony, Rhode Island

Hanging Curve - A permissive girl who is just hot enough to hit right out of the ballpark. - McWopper, Mr. President, Squanto, Ling-Ling, Wilcro, Big Ju and the rest of the A-team

Hanging Ham - A chick with extra large meat drapes / beef curtains. - Chi-Chi, MA

Hannibal - Drinking 151 all night and waking up to you riding an elephant that you took home the night before. - Mike T, Brooklyn

Happy Birthday - Putting your whole head into a girl's box... sort of a reverse birth.

Hardwood Floor - A completely shaven snatch.

Harlem Gl*betrotter - Spinning as many basketballs on her body as you can while you are giving it to her doggystyle. - Mikey M, Brooklyn

Hat Trick - Anal, oral and vaginal in the same session. - MarcLo, Indiana

Hate Fuck- The act of fucking some chick that you know you hate deep down inside and giving it all you got even if it hurts her. - Gill

Hauserbation - Masturbation using both hands, rolling your cock like rolling a wad of Play-D*h or clay. - Maryvale High

Hawaiian Hula - Shave off her pubes, attach them to your cock in Hula-skirt fashion and proceed to give here the ol' 1-2. - Mr. Blue, Minnesota

Heaving of Lady Herfordshire - The same as the "Mighty Wombat", except she¹s a fat chick and the mask is of an old debutante. For maximum effect, the lady is actually an old, royal lady (in that case, gag her with your smelly sock or condom). During the heave, you must yell in a British accent things like, ³Jolly good show!², ³Up and out wit ya², or ³Once more into the breech!² If she only makes it halfway out, kick until she falls; this is know as ³Punting the Queen.² - McWopper, Mr. President, Squanto, Ling-Ling, Wilcro, Big Ju and the rest of the A-team

Helacious Ice Cube - Jack off, and right when you are about to blow your load, slam your prick in a refrigerator. - The Trial & Error Crew, Virginia

Helen K*ller - 1) The man is fucking the woman, before he finishes he punches her in the ears so she goes deaf and gets knocked out, then he pulls out and cums into her eyes so she blind. - M. Chaffner, Michigan
2) Go home with a blind or deaf girl from the bar. These are usually the easiest ones to pick up, by the way. Once you get them home, you flatter them with all kinds of attention, then you cum in their eyes if they are deaf or their ears if they are blind. - Jared, Washington

Helium Balloon - Take a wide stance, leaving plenty of room for your nuts to hang (for those who have lifted weights, take the position you would take just before lifting the bar off the rack when squatting). Now strain like you're trying to shit out a pop can (remember to breathe) and watch your nuts start to rise...just like a helium-filled balloon. Chicks dig this one! - Fuentes & Chach

Herman M*lville (see also , "Bunkbed Buccaneer", "Walking the Plank", "Shark Feeding", "Rollover", "Getting Ahabed", "Red Beard", "Treasure Chest", "Ahab's Revenge", "Francis Dr*ke", "Land Lubber") - After a successful boarding, the bed is knocked over by an irate, white beached orca that was under the impression you were going to sleep with her in the other bunk-bed. - McWopper, Mr. President, Squanto, Ling-Ling, Wilcro, Big Ju and the rest of the A-team

Hershey Highway - Another colorful euphemism for anal sex. - BeerVampire

Hershey's K*ss - While screwing his / her ass, make sure your partner's shit covers your head, and insert it in their mouth, then cum, looking like a Hershey's k*ss. - Matthew, South Carolina

Hey that guy looks like you! (aka "Relief Pitcher") - You are in a second floor apartment banging doggystyle while your woman is standing at the window looking out. While she is distracted with the pounding you pull out quick and your buddy (who has been hiding in the closet) quickly and silently slips in and continues the pounding. You silently slip down stairs and out to the street to stare back up at the window and begin to wave and wait for the inevitable... "Hey, that guy looks like you!" - Dennis M

Hiding Elephant - Your junk hanging out of your open fly. - 1114 SoFo

High-Fiving - When two men are enjoying the same partner from opposite ends. - Wadtron

Hilt - The piece of skin under the penis connecting the shaft to the scrotum. - ORCC

Himalayan Goggles- When a guy has each of his nuts and places them on each eye of a girl that is either sleeping of passed out, and then takes a picture.

Hindenberg - While banging a chick doggystyle with a rubber on, you pull out after awhile and start pissing into the condom creating a urine filled balloon. After you get it to zeppelin size, you tie it off at the end and start swinging it around your head. Just as your chick starts to turn around to see what's going on, you smack her in the back of the head hard enough to explode this piss bomb all over her while running & yelling "HINDENBERG"... - Pfife Dogg & The Chi-Town Sickos

Hitchhiker - If you have a women who won't let you stick it in her ass, you wait till she passes out one night and repeatedly stick your thumb up her ass while jerking off with the other hand. - FFS

Hitler (see also "Dirty Sanchez") - While doggystyle banging a girl, you slip your finger in her ass and retract making sure to have gathered a considerable amount of shit on your finger. Reach around and smear the shit on her face to create a "Hitler" mustache on your upper lip. - Gabe, Colorado

Ho-Tow - This occurs after falling asleep just after a night of copious sex with a dirty slut. One wakes up with a ho's twat sealed firmly around their penis with dried sex fluids. After realizing just how nasty the dirty slut is, the man, not wanting to touch her with anything else, proceeds to tow the whore outside using just his penis. Hence, a ho-tow. - Lord Skitch

Hoagie Slap - The act of slapping your semi-hard rod against a girl's face multiple times. - Ryan, Pennsylvania

Hobo Slammer - Start humping some dirty skank you see on the side of the street. Just as you¹re about to splooge, knock her out with a crowbar. Then take her whiskey and dump it on her tits while you add your own fluid sample. - McWopper, Mr. President, Squanto, Ling-Ling, Wilcro, Big Ju and the rest of the A-team

Hocus-Pocus - When you proceed to put your right hand in the cooch, take it out, and then repeat. Turn her over and repeat procedure in her anus with another appendage. Alternate between cooch and anus with different appendages. If she shakes all over it's a "Hokey-Pokey". If she screams and leaves the room it's a "Hocus-Pocus".

Hoggin' - You and your buddies go out and try to pick up the fattest chicks. - Jared, California

Hokey-Pokey - When you proceed to put your right hand in the cooch, take it out, and then repeat. Turn her over and repeat procedure in her anus with another appendage. Alternate between cooch and anus with different appendages. If she shakes all over it's a "Hokey-Pokey". If she screams and leaves the room it's a "Hocus-Pocus".

Holy Shit, she's laughing so hard milk is coming out of of her nose! (see also "Angry Dragon", "Crack Snort", "White Dragon") - While receiving a blow job, cum in her mouth, right when she's about to swallow, you smack her in the back of the head with a free hand and she'll spew it out her nose, prompting you to say "holy shit, she's laughing so hard milk is coming out of her nose." - dirkolarry

Home Run (see also "Baseball Rules", "First Base", "Second Base", "Leading Off Second", "Third Base", "Rounding Third", and "Reaching Home") - Dating status of (by popular recognition) the couple have partaken in fucking without effort (without foreplay) on a date. This is considered a "Home Run" because they didn't have to worry about getting from "First Base" to "Second" and from "Second" to "Third" and so on. They stepped to the plate and pretty much scored.

Homo Buttholeian - When you're having buttsex and the man juice slides down her crack and into her vagina resulting in her miraculously becoming pregnant, the baby is pretty much considered a new species... a "Homo Buttholeian". - Craig, New Jersey

Homolick Maneuver - Using your penis to dislodge an object blocking a choking victim's windpipe.

Hoobastank - Receiving oral from behind while standing. First a girl kneels behind a guy and buries her nose in his copper penny. Then she pulls his equipment down and back to her mouth and starts smoking his hog in resemblance of smoking a hooka. Closely related to "Silence of the Lambs". Not to be confused with "Silence of the Clams". - Jason, Pennsylvania

H**ver - On your bed, you fuck a girl from behind and you cum, pull out and blow your wad on the bedspread. You then pull the girl by the hair and shove her face in your load, moving her head back and forth, making her suck it up. - twoe34

H**ver Vacuum - You get a chick on all fours and fuck her doggystyle. While you're fucking her, kick her hands out from underneath her. Then she face-plants into the floor like a vacuum. - Jonny & Bobby, Ohio

Horizontal Pogo Stick - The vision of a girl's head banging into the wall and bouncing off rapidly from violent doggystyle sex. - The Squirrel Stripper

Horny Rodeo - Whilst taking your bitch from behind, lean forward and whisper in her ear "I have AIDS". Now see how long you can keep your dick inside her whilst she bucks and thrashes about, thus forming a "Horny Rodeo". - Chris, Portsmouth

Hot Air Balloon - This takes place when you're getting a rimmer, and at the moment her lips are directly over your asshole, you fart into her mouth and watch her cheeks inflate like a hot air balloon. - Tommy, Matt, Bryan, & Tony, Texas

Hot Butter Bungus - All four stages must be met in order to be considered as having successfully completed a "Hot Butter Bungus" 1. Take a stick of cold butter (or margarine, but that's cheating) and stick up your woman's ass, with authority. 2. Fuck your woman in the pussy, generating heat and causing the butter to melt. 3. Fuck your woman in the ass, using the butter as lube. 4. Once your dick is coated with butter, have her suck your buttery cock clean. - Perp, MI

Hot Carl - 1) (aka "Fudgesicle") - When you withdraw your shaft from the bowels of her anus and place it directly into her mouth for a cleaning. (used mostly in gay sex, so we hear)
2) The act of taking a dump directly into the mouth of your partner.
3) Shit in a tube sock and then swing it around and smack someone in the face with it. - Gabe, Colorado

Hot Carla - 1) Similar to a traditional "Hot Carl" except instead of a turd, you shit in a chick's mouth after a 3-Day bout with diarrhea. - Jay, West Virginia
2) When a woman fucks another woman in the ass with a strap-on, then pulls out and puts the plastic penetrator in her partner's mouth for cleaning. - Romalo, Alberta

Hot Carlotta - Similar to a "Hot Carla", except that the diarrhea must come from eating way too many Mexican pizzas covered in fire sauce from Taco Bell. - Jay, West Virginia

Hot Dog Flavored Water - While at a friend's house, wait for them to go to the bathroom. Stick your schlong into their drink and swirl it around, then put it back in your pants before they come back. - Jozzy, Philadelphia

Hot Link - When you sprinkle a dash of Tabasco on your cock before fucking a girl in the ass.

Hot Lunch - When you shit into a girl's mouth. - Mike R, Massachusetts

Hot Lunch To-Go - When you shit in a brown paper sack and give it to your girlfriend. - Mike R, Massachusetts

Hot Plate - The act of placing plastic wrap over a girl's face and then shitting on it. - Jim B., Ohio

Hot Pocket - When you get a boner in public and can't control the urges anymore, thus making a "Hot Pocket". - Drew & Anthony, Texas

Hot Shots - Make your special lady drink microwaved shots of cum. - adt

Hot Tamale - Eat tacos with hot sauce one day at lunch, make sure it's HOT, then, when you're fucking your girlfriend or someone, take a sideways shit across her mouth, then jizz on top of the turd, thus creating a tamale, use your hands to clamp her jaw down, and yell "HOT TAMALE!!" - Tyloar

Houdini (aka "Deak", "Phantom", "Sneak Attack", "Spit Trick") - When you¹re doing a girl doggystyle, then you fake an orgasm (spit on her back). When she turns around, blow your load in her face and say, ³Abracadabra bitch!² also known as the "David C*pperfield" and the "David Bl*ine". - Wadtron

HRA - Acronym for "Hot Rear Action"... In other words, anal sex. - Ryan, Michigan

Hucklebuck - When you are having sex with your girlfriend missionary style, and when you feel you're about to cum, you lift up her legs and push them back behind her head, you then proceed to pull out of her, cum on her face, then finish off by jumping up and kicking your heel into her in the face. - Andy M, Baltimore

Hummer - When a male receives oral sex and the giver "hums" during the act.

Hummer Bird - When a girl is giving a guy a hummer, and he's enjoying it, she bites on his bird.

Humnuts - Ask a girl to stick your nuts in her mouth and hum, the vibrations on the balls are oooh...... - Byron

Hungry Hungry Hippo - Taking a fat girl on a date to White C*stle. Bring her home, fuck her and kick her out. She actually enjoys the date and calls you back the next day for seconds. - Mr. Blue, Minnesota

Hunka Chunka - While listing to the song "Eye of the tiger" lay underneath a glass coffee table and have your girl squat over it. They then proceed to shit all over the glass while you grab for it yelling "Yo Adrian". - Team Awesome

A - B - C - D - E - F - G - H - I - J - K - L - M - N - O - P - Q - R - S - T - U - V - W - X - Y - Z - Thesaurus - TOP

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